


Something Like It

by ThennaryNak



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mentions of PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 17:56:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1867050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThennaryNak/pseuds/ThennaryNak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam has a rough day at the VA and is happy to have Bucky visit him afterwards. He just didn't expect things to go the way they did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Like It

It had been a long day at the VA. It began well enough with going through the usual routines and meetings for the morning. Right after lunch Sam Wilson had the chance to sit down with a veteran who had requested some one-on-one counselling. The man was worried about going to see a therapist about his Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. That doing so would affect any future job prospects as he continued to seek better employment than his current job.

It did not take long into the conversation for Sam to realize that the man probably did not have PTSD. He may be carrying a lot of guilt and could be edgy at times but he lacked re-experiencing and avoidance symptoms, which were key for the PTSD diagnosis. It was not surprising though. PTSD seemed to be the new popular mental illness for the general public to latch onto, especially when it came to soldiers. Most never bothered to learn what the disorder actually was and assumed if you had one or two symptoms it was enough. Or just assumed that being a soldier in a warzone meant that you probably should have it despite the fact that only a minority did. And when you coupled that misinformation with the guilt that this vet was clearly feeling for getting through his deployment without seeing any action, though getting close a couple of times, he could see how someone could convince themselves that was what their anxiety was.

Yet he was not going to stop the man from seeking professional help. The therapist would be the one to sort him out, and he probably did need the help for the baggage he was carrying around. Thankfully the man did not need a lot of encouraging, just mainly wanted someone to tell him that his decision was right.

The next vet he saw that day probably did have enough of a case to claim PTSD but getting her to accept help was like pulling teeth. Her whole situation broke Sam’s heart and made him feel as helpless and frustrated as he was when he watched Riley get shot out of the sky.

She may have never gone overseas during her years in the service but had her own personal warzone to deal with. She had been in a fatal car accident with a drunk driver that killed her best friend and since refused to drive. Even though she mostly recovered from her injuries her refusal to operate a vehicle played a big part of her discharge from the service. She was at least lucky enough that the commanding officer from her unit made sure it was a medical discharge for her lasting injuries, so she could still have a decent shot at finding good employment afterwards. What she got was just barely enough to pay bills and sometimes she was forced to make the choice between bills or food because her hours went down that week and she had to wait for her next paycheck to afford both. Then her back was giving her more and more pain and the doctors could not seem to figure out what to do about it, and that was after having to wait weeks just to get in to see a doctor at the VA clinic.

Yet after unloading all of that she insisted all she needed was an ear to listen to her whine. Any suggestion to seek out any of the programs to help vets like her fell on deaf ears. She did not really consider herself a vet after all, believing that vets were the soldiers that went to war, not the ones that remained on American soil. The only reason she even came to the VA was because she had a friend, who was a vet, who got her to believe that the VA would not turn her away as a former soldier at least. Sam was at a complete loss at figuring out how to tell her that she was wrong and that veterans were anyone who wore the uniform anywhere and at any time. Or basically there was no difference between a veteran and a former soldier.

In the end he knew he just had to give up as the only way she would get any lasting help was if she was willing to take it. So it was with a heavy heart he had to end their session on.

As he watched her leave the VA to go wait at the bus stop just outside the building he caught sight of a familiar face across the street. It had been about a year since Sam and Steve found Bucky and while it took them some time to convince him to stay in the area with them he finally did comply.

After that the man began to become another part of Sam’s life, like Steve had. Except for a few major differences, like the fact that no matter how many reasons he could think of not to he was developing quite the crush on the other man. But Bucky’s life was complicated enough, he dared not add to it. Still it was a highlight of any day for him if Bucky showed up at his work. He never really used any of the services but they would at least exchange waves and sometimes even verbal greetings. Bucky even tried to engage in small talk last week but Sam’s cell phone cut that short when it went off and he had to take the call. But overall he was coming around more and more often which gave Sam something to always look forward to.

It was quite the contrast to when they were with Steve. Bucky seemed to have no trouble talking to him then. Sam just chalked it up to having someone around Bucky knew made him comfortable. He wanted to one day be one of those people, so he was letting Bucky take their friendship at his pace. No matter how maddeningly slow that pace felt at times.

Today though Bucky just waved back and gave a nod from across the street before leaving. Despite the heat of the summer he was wearing his usual blue jacket with jeans. He had cut his hair recently and basically convinced Sam that he would look good in any hairstyle. It was disappointing to see him go so quickly, yet it still felt like a breath of fresh air for Sam’s day. He returned to his office to prepare for the late afternoon support meeting he had yet to lead before the day was done. That thankfully went as well as they could but the amount of attentive listening he had to exercise to pull it off just about drained the rest of the mental energy he had left.

He was on auto-pilot on the way home and once he got in the door knew that he did not want to bother to make dinner that night. He caved in eventually and ordered Chinese food to be delivered, figuring that after saving the world a couple of times he could indulge himself for a night or two, as he got enough for more than just the one meal.

As he waited for the deliveryman to come he changed into a pair of sweats and T-shirt, so he would not have to bother with changing again to go to sleep later. If he was going to bum around the house he was going to make sure he was going to do a thorough job of it. He then made sure to get drinks, or whatever was left of the beer in his fridge, to minimize the need to get up once he sat down. After the food arrived all he took from the kitchen were utensils before finally committing to Netflixing one of the many shows he was behind on for the rest of the night.

Just as he was getting comfortable on the couch the doorbell rang. He smiled broadly as he went to answer the door. There was really only one person who could be on the other side, as he knew Steve and Natasha were off doing some sort of Avengers business at the moment. While visiting his house was rare Sam figured he might be feeling a bit lonely with the only other people he knew away.

“You here for dinner?” he asked, after opening the door for Bucky.

Bucky looked confused at him for a moment before asking, “Is it a dinner and a workout?”

Sam smiled as he moved back to make way for Bucky to come in, “Nah, I just wanted to get comfortable. Come on in.”

The other man took up the offer and once inside took off the jacket hiding his metallic arm, hanging it up on the coat rack by the door. He just wore a simple black T-shirt underneath that, by the way it looked like it actually fit him was not a Steve hand-me-down.

“I hope you don’t mind Chinese food,” Sam said as he headed to the kitchen to pick up more utensils as well as some actual plates.

Bucky shadowed him, never getting more than a couple of paces close to him. “You don’t have to go through the trouble.”

“You’d be doing me a favor,” he said, giving Bucky another friendly smile. “I ordered more than I really should have and I know I will not be able to stop myself from eating it all. And I would like to be able to get myself off the ground the next time I have to use my wings.”

That earned a chuckle from his guest.

They migrated to the living room then and Sam made room for the plates as Bucky took a seat on the far end of the couch. They settled in with Sam giving recommendations for which of the dishes Bucky should try. Then Sam finally started the show, hoping Bucky would be okay with a modern comedy series. Sam just was not up for anything but light entertainment.

If Bucky had any issues he said nothing about them as he ate and watched in silence with him. There was almost always a silence between them. At first it was awkward and tense but over time it became comfortable as they got to know each other. Or at least save each other during the countless fights they got into by following Captain America around. But there were little moments between all that which Sam felt himself being drawn into the other man. The few times he let his guard down and smiled, or was willing to trade a couple snarky one-liners with him as he did with Steve, and then there were the rare times he would let himself drift off to sleep in Sam’s company. If that was not a sign of complete and total trust from the once brainwashed assassin Sam would not know what was.

Getting to know Bucky may have had its challenges but Sam felt secure enough that he knew enough about the other man to know he liked him. And if he was truly honest with himself it was for more than just a friend. But he was not sure if Bucky would even feel the same way. There were times he thought he could see Bucky’s eyes linger on another man, but his mind could have just drifted. And if Sam sometimes caught that gaze on him it did not have to mean something. No much how he wished it did.

He shifted his sitting position when he realized that he was about to nod off. Should have remembered that stuffing himself like that would make him drowsy. He shifted again not quite happy with the position he was in before finding something he could settle into without worrying about it being too comfortable he would fall asleep. Hopefully.

“You okay?” Bucky asked, glancing over at him.

Sam was confused for a moment then chuckled. “Nah, just feeling drained from work. I’ll be okay after I relax a while.”

Silence settled in for about a minute before Bucky spoke again. “You do good.”

Sam looked over to the other man and found the brunet staring at the TV screen intensely. Somehow Sam doubted the sitcom that is playing is the reason for it. He shrugged it off finally before responding, “Well I hope I’m doing good. Sometimes it’s hard to tell in the grander scheme of things.”

“Better than I could,” Bucky quickly countered, “You can give so much. I can’t even figure out how to give something of myself to those I care about.”

“Just wanting to is pretty important too. And it’s good that you can reach that step,” he replied, starting to slip into counsellor-mode. He reminded himself that he was supposed to be relaxing and to go back to friend-mode.

 “I want to go further. Like you can.”

“Are you trying to say that you admire me?” Sam asked, not being able to quite hide the swell of pride he felt at the idea.

“Something like it,” Bucky answered, still not meeting his gaze.

“Well if it helps, I don’t think you’re so bad yourself. In fact I would say that you’re too hard on yourself. And that you give plenty.”

“Like what?”

Sam could tell this could be getting into dangerous territory. He gave what he thought was a safe answer, “Don’t think Steve could have a more dedicated friend.”

“He’s fine without me.”

Sam winced at the answer. “That doesn’t mean you’re not appreciated. And not just by Steve.”

Bucky gave him a small wry smile. “Are you trying to say you appreciate me?”

Grinning at the turn around, he decided that two could play that game. “Something like it.”

There was a tenseness in the air between them that was not completely unpleasant. More like an anticipation for something to happen than an awkwardness or dread. It was enough to give Sam the push he needed to at least finally confess, “I like you, Bucky.”

When he just got silence as an answer he quickly broke eye contact to move to go back to eating. It was not like he confessed the true depths of his growing feelings for the other man so he could play it off if he could just think of something snappy to say to change topic.

He did not get to do so though, as Bucky spoke up next, scooting over to sit next to him, close enough for their knees to touch. “Like can be a strong word, Sam,” he said softly.

Sam left the food on the coffee table as he sat up to look at the other man. Bucky looked to be searching his face to find something but all Sam could give him was confusion. “Bucky?”

The reality of it did not really hit Sam until he could feel Bucky’s lips on his. His subconscious seemed to know what it needed to do as he reacted to the tentative kiss with a gentle one of his own as the other man just started to pull away.

That kiss did not last nearly as long as Sam hoped, as Bucky did end pulling away shortly after. He backed up on the couch as well, adding some room between them again. “Sorry, I-,” he rushed out, then stopped his panic to shake his head. He then let out a small depreciating laugh. “Keep forgetting what a mess I am, then that you probably already know that.”

“So-,” was all Sam could get out as the admission really did not clear anything up for him.

“Um,” Bucky rubbed the back of his neck nervously with his good hand, “I think I forgot to tell you that I like you too.”

Sam finally felt that he could let out the breath that he did not even notice he was holding in. There was a warmth that began to spread throughout his body as things began to fall into place for him. “Yes, yes you did.”

“Guess I’m kinda rusty at this kind of thing.”

Not wanting to get his hopes too high, and really just wanting to hear it from the brunet, he asked, “And what kind of thing is that? Because I would like to be on the same page as you.”

Bucky licked his lips nervously as his face was slowly turning red. He then sighed heavily before candidly answering, “Look Sam, you’re attractive, to me. And I am pretty sure you feel something because I have noticed you looking at me. Don’t look so surprised, you weren’t _that_ sneaky about it. And we did just kiss a minute ago, which I am sorry for screwing that up. Like I said I sometimes forget you’re one of the few people that will be okay with me as I am. So I would like to see if we could try to be more than friends.”

Sam sat in stunned silence for a moment as the jumble of emotions in him fought it out to be the one he should be feeling after that confession. Believing that he should say something in the meantime he turned to his sense of logic to point out, “You barely talk to me when we’re alone.”

“Well I’ve never tried to date a guy before. It wasn’t something one really did in the early 20th century, and I didn’t get many chances until now. Just wanted to make sure I could get it right.”

Happiness had won out in his emotional war in the end, prompting Sam to close the distance between them again then place hand on Bucky’s knee. “Well you definitely get an ‘A’ for effort. And for actual technique I’ll consider it a pass.”

Bucky eyed him wearily as he asked, “What page are we on?”

Sam gave him a smile as he slid his hand up Bucky’s leg to rest at his waist while pulling them even closer together. “The one where we try that kiss again.”

“Good to know,” Bucky said softly as he leaned in to meet Sam’s lips. And Sam could not think of a better way to end his day.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel I probably went a bit soapbox-y at the start, but as a veteran these are pretty important issues to me. Especially with making sure people know that there are more experiences a vet can have for their military career than going overseas to fight a war and coming back injured and/or with PTSD.
> 
> I am tempted into making this into a series, but I write so slowly and get distracted easily so I will not make any promises.


End file.
